(This post is for the people that want to know my motives behind my future endeavors.)

I could focus on making money. I could spend my time and energy figuring out ways to manipulate people, create demand, and accumulate wealth. But, I don’t want to play that game. That game is a challenge that is no longer interesting or gratifying to me. What is the game? It’s simply the system we created within our society to try and keep us organized and give us something to live for, but it’s artificial. We think that without it we couldn’t function, though the truth is we don’t need the game to survive, or progress, or be happy. We call it capitalism, even though it’s not. It’s a hybrid of multiple –isms. But, overall this game is just a small bubble. Life – life is so much bigger, it extends so much further. There is so much more to life than this small bubble we created.

No material item can make me happy. Accumulating material goods is a boring, endless, and empty challenge. When you live to accumulate material wealth, when does that game end? When is enough truly enough? When do you pull yourself out of that bubble and look around and realize how much more there is to life? While you’re worrying about buying your next luxury vehicle to impress your colleagues because you sadly need their approval and attention to validate your life, when do you stop and notice outside of your box that there is a kid right down the road that is just happy to have a meal? Or that there are children all across the globe dying of starvation every day because of circumstances they can’t control.

I mean, really, the need to constantly purchase “things” or accumulate wealth should be compared to a psychological defect like hoarding. It’s a mental illness. But it’s not looked at as a mental illness. In fact, our system promotes it because it’s based on and functions on constant consumption. Without it, the system would fail. If everyone tried to save their money, it would fail. The more consumption the better within our system, regardless of any sort of harm or destruction being done either environmentally or to humans. How is that not absurd? How have we allowed ourselves to become so enamored with such a system? It’s like we’ve been hypnotized or something…….or have we…… And don’t even get me started on Planned Obsolescence (products made inefficiently so they fail and we have to buy more) or the countless number of suppressed inventions like free energy, engines that cleanly run on water, etc.

And then the people you meet, you never know if you’re just a Chess piece to them or if they are actually someone you can trust. When you’re playing the game, many people are simply trying to make connections or win you over so you buy their service or product, so they’ll act extra nice to you, laugh at your jokes, act super enthusiastic about things, but it’s fake. You can see right through it. It’s not who that person really is.

Material goods create false happiness and short thrills. If material wealth equaled happiness, then we in the US should be the happiest country in the world, right? However, then we wouldn’t be seeing an increase in suicides, an increase in depression, an increase in stress, an increase in diseases like cancer (stress greatly compromises the immune system and so do all of the chemicals we put into our bodies), more incarcerations than any other nation in the world, and many more negative things. Simply based on my own experiences, material items provide far less satisfaction than, say, making a friend laugh or watching some silly chick flick with the person you love but knowing they are enjoying it which causes you to enjoy it, too.

We could spend most of our days talking knowledgeably about interest rates, appreciation, depreciation, stocks, strike prices, treasuries, derivatives, etc., etc. What a waste of time and life. Those are all just made up to propel the game, but they are all made up – artificial. If money wasn’t a worry, the last thing we’d be interested in are the things I listed. If money wasn’t a worry, maybe we’d spend our time finding cures, or learning about energy, or learning to play guitar, or hugging our children….anything that interests us.

We’ve been conditioned to expect rewards for completing tasks. I don’t need a material reward in exchange for doing something that helped someone or brought happiness to him or her. Just knowing that that something I did somehow helped that person or brought happiness to him or her is the only reward I need.

Anyway, I want to take on more satisfying challenges. Of course I’ll have to abide by the game’s rules along the way, to some extent, because you don’t really have a choice. But, I want to stay as far away from the game as possible. Hopefully I don’t get sucked back in. I don’t care about having a comparative advantage in one field or another. If I am learning about Java, a computer programming language, and then suddenly I feel like writing a screenplay or learning about cars, then I am going to do one of those things even if I haven’t become an expert at Java, yet. Life is so short, and I just want to do things that make me happy. What kind of life is a life filled with stress and boredom? What point is there to this one life if you’re not living it happily? I’m only happy or satisfied if I’m challenging myself and expanding my brain. But, the challenges have to be interesting to me, else the outcome won’t be gratifying.

So, I’m taking off to California because I’ve long had a passion for movies. It’s a challenge I want to take on. I must say, though, that a part of me feels like I should take on more meaningful challenges, like helping out kids or people suffering from cancer. A part of me feels like going out to California to work on movies is selfish because I could be doing so much more to help others. However, I will start there and then see where I end up. Also, I feel like if I’m successful following my passion, I’ll be able to make a difference and help others.

The main problem I’ve had since Kaitlyn’s passing is finding tasks that provide meaning. I mean, I just lived through the most important and meaningful job I could ever take on in my life, and that was trying to keep Kait alive by educating myself as much as I could on her situation while keeping her happy and smiling as often as possible. How could any other personal task come close to the importance of that one? There is no way that simply going back and working as a simple accountant can provide any meaning. There is no way that simply trying to live to collect money would be anything but emptiness.

It’s sad that it took Kait’s passing for me to open my eyes and realize how much more there is to life. It’s sad that it usual takes a major event for people to wake up and realize this. I could go on and on and on, but I’ll stop here.